After a separation, to him usually one adds to the discouragement and the anxiety a fault feeling. Sometimes, this feeling of fault appears during the separation process and can get to prevent the rupture. As much for the person who leaves the other, like which it is left, the fault stays as an emotional remainder after the separation. That one person whom she gives by finished the relation can feel guilty to cause malaise, to hurt to her pair or to throw overboard the projects that they had common. On the other hand, who feels lazy she undergoes the fault not to do whatever was to his reach or not having amended in time the relation; this takes to feel pain, wrath and jealousy. As well as, before the death of a loved being, we entered a process of duel, the same happens before the rupture of the relation, because both consider losses.
to share the life with another person we happened to feel a contradictory emptiness and feelings, where the fault is present. Nevertheless, the fault can block the duel process and become a heavy and sterile load. It will depend, among other things, than it meant the relation or of how was carried out the separation. But, whether the fault goes towards one same one or towards the other, it is necessary to balance the vision of the things. Now, why it appears the feeling of fault? Basically, because we considered that we have transgressed some norm of our internal moral code. In order to give examples, we could think that if somebody has the belief that to leave somebody, or not to respond to its calls, or not to give a new opportunity he is bad, the fault will appear to remember to him that it must be directed according to those norms.
Some women cannot leave their maltratadores husbands, because its internal code dictates to them that to separate of a person he is incorrect. Thus our sense of the responsibility works, which varies from a person to another one. The problem is in which if east code of strict and unconditional way is defended, without considering that we needed to adapt it to the present situation, it will be very difficult to us to surpass the state of duel by the rupture. To recognize the norm and to question will help to discover it to us the belief that there is behind her and to be able to surpass the fault. To make flexible, to adapt and until modifying our codes of conduct I commit is not so simple and, generally, we will need external aid to obtain it. Finally, it turns out useful to remember that a relation always is thing of two, and is responsibility of both the growth or impoverishment of the same. If we watched only the defects on the one hand we are not realistic, aid and usually does not originate fault. To exempt us of the excessive fault, requires to recover a felt major of the reality, in order to accept the responsibility that corresponds to both members of the pair. You have surpassed your fault by the rupture with your pair? You are in the process?